Why I lost interest on the guy that I was dating – A female’s perspective



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Edit: From time to time I will be asking select people from the blogging community to come on board OnlineDatingMatches.com and tell us what’s on their minds. “Ephemily” is one such author. She runs the blog: http://hurricaneephemily.blogspot.com and has a unique and raw take on dating for women in their 30′s.

Ephemily is a moderator on another highly popular online dating site (OKCupid) and is here to give you guys and gals honest and heartfelt dating and relationship advice. She has much experience as a behind-the-scenes moderator and has seen it (and done it) all when it comes to online dating. She will also be heading up our new dating advice forums and we welcome her on board!

- Karen

Oy! Creepy! This is why you got banned:

I could deal with the camping out on IM for me to log in as soon as I got to work. That’s … extreme (especially since my start time it 7:30 in the morning) but not terribly weird. I could deal with the comments on my facebook status updates every day. I’m an active user and have alot of people who enjoy what I have to say. I could deal with the texts when I wasn’t signed in to chat. Hell, I could even kinda deal with the fact that in all of these efforts at communication you would run out of things to say in 5 minutes, and I’d just end up talking to myself for an hour. What did it was two fold:

First, you live out of state. About a 3 hour drive. Not THAT big a deal, but still not a short commute. You asked if we could meet up (for the first time) over the weekend. You had the idea that you were going to stay in my house, and in my bed. I wasn’t so comfortable with that idea. Add on top of that it was… Uh. Shark week, to put it delicately. Your reply to my telling you this? “That’s ok. I don’t mind.” Um… I’m glad you’re ok with… I can’t even say it here. But, no. Put aside all the reasons that’s just gross, that’s NOT how I want to meet a person for the first time. So, I did the unthinkable. I told a fib. Shock! Horror!

Granted, it was a little fib, with a very large nugget of truth in it. I told you that my body was really hurting that day, I wanted to go home, take a hot bath, and go to bed really early. All of that was true. However, it was mostly an “if i tell you that you’re getting a little clingy for my taste, you’re not going to take that well, so I’m hoping that just taking a day where I you don’t hear from me will work.” deflection.

Truth be told, I was under the covers, snoring 20 minutes after I got home from work. Hell, I even posted something to the effect of “I will be dead to the world, snoring, and drooling on my pillow in a few moments.” on facebook. I was zonked. However, I didn’t take kindly to having told you (specifically!) that was my plan and having you text me 2 hours later with “Hi!”.

… Did you forget that I told you I was running on four hours of sleep, two five hour energies, and sheer force of will just a few brief hours ago? Ok, fine. I’m up now. I’m going to go blow off some steam and drop the banhammer on some people on my dating site of choice.

You have GOT to be kidding me. You have looked at my profile every day this last week, and twice today?! Weird. Just. Ug. Never mind. Moving on. I’ll deal with that later.

WTH? You wrote on my WALL too?! “Hey, I’ve been answering more questions and our percentage keeps going up. When can I come see you?” Unbelievable. Creepy. Why am I suddenly convinced that you drive a panel van?

Twenty minutes later, my phone told me I had email. Email saying I’d missed an IM from you on the dating site. On which, I have my IM function turned off. Seriously? You woke me up, knowing I was looking for some not-you time, and then proceeded to bug me on every website where you saw me pop up? For the love of Pete, Paul, Mary, and any groupies they bring with them! You’re smothering me and we’ve not even met in person yet!

So yes, this is why you got dropped. You have more cling than a cat fresh out of the drier in January. More grab than a PMSing she-thulhu. More creep than Radiohead. I just can’t handle that.